Announcing: 1st Knighthood quest

[wmalexmann]

I have long pondered knighthood, but my nether regions and aging joints dissuaded me from such a grueling day of suffering. However, in tribute to Sufferlandria’s founders, and with respect for those who came before me and those who now encourage me, I am planning a Sufferlandrian Yuletide Knighthood quest.

@Medina81 @Glen.Coutts @emacdoug @Blackwater I have been riding, planning, and experimenting this past week or so in response to your example and encouragement.

My quest will begin in two weeks at 8 ish am Eastern Standard time. I will ride in Sufferlandria and watopia (Four Horsemen) simultaneously. If I run Four Horsemen on the iPad, I can ride through Sufferlandria on the TV and still could see any fellow travelers in watopia who wished to join and perhaps share a word or two, assuming I’m not hallucinating from the suffering.

The road to knighthood:

1. 14 vice grips
2. Fight club
3. Revolver
4. Power station
5. The chores
6. The Omnium
7. Nine hammers (my favorite - I am following much advice re the “1/2 way” point)
8. The rookie
9. a very dark place
10. TBTITW

Why Nine Hammers: Nine Hammers always brings John Mellencamp’s “Hurts So Good” to mind. Before its modification, I managed to hit all the targets twice and felt triumphant, as well as thoroughly knackered - endorphin induced delirium, no doubt. 8 of the 10 videos are from Ye Olde Sufferlandria, but I figured that the remastering minions deserved to join the ride. In particular, the new Power Station is a worthy remaster.

Meal plan: I have several pill, liquid, and gel sources of electrolytes, energy, and anti-inflammation. But also a real lunch: bananas, peanut butter & jelly, rice pudding & tart cherry juice. My 6+ hour Blood Sweat and Gears centuries (3000+ meters of climbing) in North Carolina were fueled similarly (except for the pudding), so I am optimistic about feeding but also open to suggestion.

All advice is welcome.

All of your encouragement has been wonderful.

[Glen.Coutts]

(Cut and paste from other thread)

Strange as this may sound, I really have no advice. Your menu looks horrible, your plan seems well in hand. I have no doubt, given your palmares, you’ll be joining us all in Castle Sufferlandria soon™

Fwiw though, and I’m sure you’ve already considered chamois cream, kit changes, setting a timer for those 8 minute breaks, getting out of the saddle every now and then whether the vid calls for it or not. The standy uppy bits of power station will surely be welcomed after 3ish hours of sufferin’ but they may be even more welcomed on the back end.

If my Calendar is correct, your date is Dec 21st. If I can swing it, I’ll sub up for a month of Zwift and join you for a bit of fun and frolic on the day.

[wmalexmann]

@Glen.Coutts I have enough shorts to change frequently and aquaphor has been great chamois cream for my skin. For long indoor rides, my pain cave is cold and dry, so I do not generate much holy water, compared to days when I could ride above ground. Has anyone experimented with two layers of shorts as they approach the end of their quest?

[Glen.Coutts]

@wmalexmann

two layers of shorts

I distinctly remember reading that someone did that with success but I can’t imagine myself doing that as I only envision one pair slipping and sliding over the other pair and making the saddle/body connection weirdly disjointed. You’ve got a couple of weeks to experiment tho and, like I said, I know at least one person had done it.

[Glen.Coutts]

I forgot to say that I love how you named the thread. Now we’ll be anticipating serial quests just like the otherwise inimitable Sir Evan @emacdoug

[emacdoug]

This menu of suffering looks awfully, gloriously fantastic… and also all too familiar. Your quest will be full of enterpainment. For us. You OTOH will likely be chewing too much stem to notice.

You’ve definitely done a lot of planning. And as Sir @Glen.Coutts mentioned, I hope your thread title is a hint at future glory.

Food choices are so personal, so I can’t comment much there. Always good to have a variety available as what you crave and what you enjoy can change from hour to hour. I always try to keep track of what I eat in a chart (tho usuallly a messy one) to ensure I get in enough fuel.

The biggest variables on the day are typically your fueling, your clothing, and ride intensity. All are very personal. Be sure to practice your between ride transitions ahead of time and have everything easily accessible including food and clothing options. 10 minutes goes deceptively fast. Decisions can get quite difficult when you’re fatigued, so make everything as easy as possible. But I think you’re experienced and prepared, so by the same token, don’t overthink it.

I’ve included Nine Hammers many times. I prefer my own soundtrack, but it’s a great video and gives off amazing SUF vibes. It’s a painful but fantastic halfway choice. And you’ve picked so many good ones that I can’t hardly comment on each one. There will soooo much glorious suffering. And going out on TBTITW looks like a brutal ending! When you reach the end you will have truly earned your knighthood. I look forward to you joining us at the castle!

[Blackwater]

This is splendid news Citizen @wmalexmann!

I’m already looking forward to call you Sir, clean your bike and polish your Flogging Station.

We shall talk on our next Knight Ride if we can figure out some supporting you on your Quest. That is, if I can pedal on this day. I happened to hear, that on the 20th there is a special Knight Ride planned. I will have a serious discussion with my legs.

In any case if it is riding with you or just joining you from the forums, we will do our best to cheer you on all the way!

You’ll crush this! Onwards, the Castle awaits!

Citizen Blackwater

[Isa]

What a list there. Can’t wait to point and laugh some more!

My advice is to have all your videos downloaded to two devices, if possible, in case your main planned device decides to have technical problems mid quest, like mine did, and you have to switch over to your backup device… shudder.

Seconding Sir Glen’s advice regarding setting an eight minute bathroom timer. I couldn’t believe how long it took me by the end breaks to get my shoes back on and clip in.

Also, use the cooldown, warmup, and any recovery section to eat so you don’t waste precious kit change and washroom time on food. Prefill all beverages and have all fuel handy. Make everything but the riding as easy as possible.

Time for a new knight at the table! Have fun suffering!

[Medina81]

Great to hear that you have the date set for your soon to be successful Knighthood attempt. I’ll do my best @wmalexmann to join you for a portion of your ride. Two items that may help you…

1. As Dame Isa @Isa suggested, I totally echo having the next video in your sequence redundantly loaded on another device in case something goes wrong - dead battery, lost wi-fi, whatever.
2. Even if you usually don’t cramp… remember you are riding for close to 10 hours straight. I had two bottles handy, one with Gatorade or water and the other with pickle juice/olive jar brine cut with water. By drinking the pickle/olive mix all the way along the ride you will seriously reduce or eliminate the possibility of leg cramps. Experiment with this cramp-fighting elixir before the day of your attempt.

[Darrylracki]

Paying forward a few tips I found here or found that worked for me.

1] start your timer and then tee-up your next video immediately.

2. real food is important, I had 1/4 size PB&J and turkey sandwiches, pickles, cookies and peanut M&Ms available. I didn’t eat everything I put aside, but it was there if I wanted it.

3. I put my hydration and fuel powders into numbered Dixie cups for each stage to ensure I didn’t lose track.

4. have water in containers you can reach from your your bike, you can mix your drinks while you soft pedal during the warmup period for each video.

5. the warmup is also a good time to take photos.

6. the rest of us lunkheads finished, you will, too!

[Brann_Mac_Finnchad]

Did the hydration/fuel powders vary according to the effort to come?

[DarrenWCKam]

Also, I think worth mentioning regarding food consumption, from my experience, at least for me, something sweet will help a long way during the final 1/4 way to the Castle gates, ie rides 8-10.

Have a mix of carbs and protein throughout the entire journey. In my case, they were Cloud 9 bars/Mars bars, bananas, cream filed buns, some boiled eggs, isotonic drinks and multi-grain soymilk as sources of real food throughout the day. Have some plain drinking water in hand too as that would definitely come in handy whenever you start getting bored of those energy drinks.

As for kit change, I personally had one kit change (including socks) every three rides.

With all that being said and suggestions by my fellow Knights, I wish you all the best and much destruction you ought to create along your way Squire @wmalexmann Alex!
God willing, I will join you in Watopia on 21st/Dec.

Bring on the suffering!

P/s: I have added you on Zwift

[Darrylracki]

Hi Brann, nope, no purpose other than to help me keep on schedule.

[wmalexmann]

Sufferlandrians:

Perhaps I should have posted this earlier, but my Yuletide Knighthood Quest begins tomorrow, December 21, 2025 at 8:00 am Eastern Standard Time (North America). I am donating money to the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America ( Mission, Values & History | Alzheimer's Foundation of America ) in memory of my father and in honor of my 96 year old mother, who took care of my father for five years as he fell further and further into dementia, 20 years ago. I hope some Sufferlandrians will give to this charity, but this time of year - as @emacdoug said on his 6th quest - donations to local food banks would bring honor to all. I’ll be riding 4 Horsemen in Zwift at the same time for anyone who wants to join. Sir Glen @Glen.Coutts will join at some point, I believe. Others in this thread have also expressed interest, so I am looking forward to any guest who wishes to join. Thanks for all the advice, and best wishes to all, however you celebrate family and spirit during this winter solstice.

[emacdoug]

Your suffering will be epic. Can’t wait for the enterpainment!

[Isa]

Great introduction.

Go forth and suffer well!

While Alzheimer’s is the nearest to my heart I chose to support the food banks given the time of year and tough times.

My grandmother suffered for decades with Alzheimer’s and while she was fortunate for years to have a family member able to care for her, eventually it became too much and she spent her final years in a care home. It’s certainly the Cruelest disease on family members trying to support and puts our training “suffering “ of course rightly in the realm of a joke! What a good woman your mother sounds like. Respect.

I’ll be waiting for you in the Nine Hammers Tavern. Wish I could join you on the four horsemen route, but life has many other plans for me tomorrow.

[sc235813]

I find this thread … inspiring! By now, you’re about 1/2 hour in. Wishing you pain, hell and glory! Hope to join this group one day…

I believe this will take the USA knight count up to like 706 or something…

[wmalexmann]

Thanks! One down. Raspberries and endurance fuel and coffee for breakfast. Back on in 2 minutes

[Glen.Coutts]

Nothing like some Sunday morning enterpainment to start the day! Thanks @wmalexmann!

Also

[wmalexmann]

Ha! Well done sir glen @Glen.Coutts. Fight club started ok but not feeling fresh right now.