I was considering our nation’s lore and had always thought that Harsh Red Whine and Real Pagne were different things. But, upon further examination, it is Real Pagne that is made of the juice of the Sufferlandrian Grapes of Wrath, but Real Pagne is a bubbly while it appears, from the bottling at least, that Harsh Red Whine is not.
So, my question, fellow citizens, is Real Pagne the unofficial name of Chateau de Sufferlandria’s Harsh Red Whine and I’ve been mistaken all this time?
Perhaps they add extra tannins or trypsin from laser goats to the Red Whine?
I don’t think so:
The Sufferlandrian Whine Country is the most sparsely populated region of Sufferlandria®, with a permanent, year-round population of no one. Although you may see busloads of non-Sufferlandrians here from time to time, most Sufferlandrians are heavily allergic to whining in any form, and find the Whine Country detestable in the extreme. Nevertheless, it is the only place on earth harsh enough to grow the famous Sufferlandrian Grapes of Wrath which feed off the weakness of the Non-Sufferlandrian tourists. It is from the juice of these grapes that the renowned Sufferlandrian bubbly, Real Pagne, is crafted.
Partaking of this rare tipple, which by law is not allowed to leave the country, has the effect of making those who drink it stronger, more resilient, and more prone to VICTORY. Those who watch a Sufferlandrian drink Real Pagne will wake up with a terrible hangover and very sore legs.
The Whine Country is best visited during the harvest, or “crush”. Members of the Sufferlandrian national team, well versed in crushing all things, can be seen crushing the year’s vintage on trainer-powered wine presses.
It’s not Real Pagne if it’s not made in Sufferlandria. Anywhere else it’s just Sparkling Suffering.