With the talk and complaints about the Wahoo(limabob) Tour being too easy, my brain decided to attempt creating an…underground alternative. Please accept this Citizen’s humble offering of a Better way out.
Goals; ~Suff videos in the official one will stay.
~Ideally it should be possible to do both around work, if you care about the badge. If you don’t care about the badge, there is an alternative Sufferlandrian Stage vaguely similar to the Wahoo one (but more betterer, of course). Most days are between 1.5-2 hours riding maximum if you do all workouts.
~A (poor) attempt at a story. I do not have the storylines of all the Suf videos memorized like some of you, so have had to go by titles for the most part. Some of my Stage descriptions are a bit lacking, but I gave it my best atm.
~Eight Days, as I understand is traditional. (EDIT: Sir @Glen.Coutts brought to my attention that Nine days is the tradition, which makes sense, and I have edited to include Saturday the 22nd).
Asterisk * is the official Wahoo stage for if you want the badge
@ is the Sufferlandrian Alternative
A + is to be in addition to either or both of the above.
Saturday: We start with Elements of Style, just to make sure all engines are firing smoothly on our Way out of Couchlandria. Unfortunately, GvA had his eye on you for his underground bare knuckle boxing operation and gave you a little…detour.
+Elements of Style, +The Way Out, +Fight Club | 2:32hr
Sunday: I’ve heard a lot of Screaming into the Void about the official route. Because you’re a Sufferlandrian, you’ll be fresh as a daisy after the Official Start of the tour, and able to earn some cash in your second career of Modeling. You’ll need the money to spend on more carbs, after all. And towels.
*Team Scream, +The Model | 2:09hr
Monday: Did somebody say The Void? You mean, a Dark Place? You’ll need the contents of your Tool Shed to work your way out of here!
*FTP Over Unders, @ A Very Dark Place, +The Tool Shed | 0:49 + 1:52hr
Tuesday: Who Dares?..You Dare. And should they attempt to suffer as much as you do, you’ll make them Rue the attempt
*Who Dares, + Rue the Day | 1:38hr
Wednesday: Grunter Needs YOU! To run Flogging Stations 9-12! No…you’ll not be in charge–you’ll be providing the power.
*Boswell 3 Strength/Endurance, @ Recharger then Power Station, + The Best Thing in the World | 1:04 + 2:05hr
Thursday: Sprinter’s Delight! Oh…we can’t let it go with that. After your Sprint stage victories, Hell Hath no Fury like a Sufferlandrian holding onto their medals, and you’ll need to prove you can compete in other arenas…like a a mountain TT.
*Cash Register, *Bavaria Burgberg, + Hell Hath no Fury | 2:11hr
Friday: The day we’ve been waiting for…a new Sufferfest video. It was remarked that it appears similar to 14 Vice Grips…so lets see HOW similar they are, shall we?
*Roller Coaster, + 14 Vice Grips | 1:55hr?
Saturday: It’s a lovely day for climbing…and we’ll celebrate the end of the tour with a pint (or nine) at the Tavern!
*Alp d’Huez, @ Thin Air, + Nine Hammers | 1:05 + 1:57hr
Sunday: Yeah…you probably shouldn’t have celebrated so much. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Bet you feel wretched, don’t you? Hope your Suff bucket is at hand.
+ISLAGIATT, + The Wretched | 2:37hr
Monday: Wash your Chamois, you Barbarian! Or leave it in a rival’s team car…
Four Potential Routes; The Official Wahoo, The Full Sufferlandrian, The Official Plus, and the Double.
If you have alternative suggestions–better combinations, for instance, feedback is welcome. I tried to mix it up a bit so everybody gets a good dosage of pain. Wednesday I’m particularly not sure about, other than the inclusion of Power Station.
Could be a good way to celebrate my birthday; Currently, I am looking at doing the Wahoo+, with sprinkles of the Double given time before work. Just have to make sure I don’t have to do any cooking that workweek.
Cheers,
CoS Brann
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